it wasn't lemon gatorade
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
