Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize