I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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