do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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