were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
