i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
did i just pee glitter
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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