U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I won the penis lottery.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Holy sore nipples Batman
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Never underestimate the power of titties
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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