Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize