I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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