Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
