You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
