I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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