why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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