Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
