It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
