God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
