Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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