Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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