Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
