I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
