yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
