If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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