your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
