dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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