she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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