One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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