my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
