I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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