Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
