Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
