Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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