im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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