you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize