We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
In America we eat man semen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
