I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's blow job season.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
