wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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