he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
