I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I deserve this hangover.
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