Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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