You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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