giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
