never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just invented taco cereal.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
