i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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