she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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