But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
