I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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