so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
