i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
