I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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