i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
