I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
