apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
