i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
