what day is it and did you see me today?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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