I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize