I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize