I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
