on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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