My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
