Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize