So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
