I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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