Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
