So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
