So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
