happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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