mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
