I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
