its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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