If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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